To bake or not to bake, that is the question.
Somehow I don't think Shakespeare faced this dilemma.
My
baking escapades have continued and every day I have tackled another
recipe and another set of ingredients. Some days the result has been
divine. Other days it has been disastrous.
Like today.
I
had another inedible creation, this time of whoopie pie proportions. I
attempted to make pumpkin whoopie pies with a cream cheese filling.
Instead I got round disc shaped sponges with pointy peeks where soft
pillows of dough were meant to form. I didn't even get to the cream
cheese filling before I knew that these cookies were at utter failure
and definitely not worthy of being served to anyone.
This is the
second time in a week that my baking has turned into mush and has had to
be disposed of instead of eaten up. This massive waste of ingredients
being sent down my garbage disposal has me questioning my future in the
kitchen. Should I be baking at all? Baking isn't cheap. The ingredients
needed are plentiful - and pricey. I am spending much of my time in an
apron with a bowl and mixer in hand when maybe I should be spending time
doing something entirely different.
Should I be focusing on some
job or career or some future that could include a pay check? Am I
frittering away time when I really should be growing up and being more
"adult-ish"? (Mature terminology, don't you think?)
I'm beginning
to think this whole baking thing has been nothing more than an escape
from the reality of having to grow up and make something of my life. And
then, on the other hand, I am constantly aware of my physical condition
and the limitations it places on me. How can I get on with life outside
of the walls of my house when my physical ailments so often sideline me
from being out and about and fully "productive" by the standards of
society?
I'm at a crossroads and the disastrous whoopie pie situation pushed me right over the edge into complete meltdown.
I've
wondered so many times throughout my four years of this physical trial,
"how will God ever use me in this condition?" Then I hit on baking and
thought that was how He would use me. But how will He use me if what I
bake ends up in the sink? Was all that, "God can use me in the kitchen!"
talk just a bunch of wishful thinking? Maybe it was just a distraction
to get my mind off of the fact that while my fellow twenty-four year
olds are off getting married, having careers and socializing I am stuck
at home with a digestive system that I can't rely on and a body that is
constantly on the fritz!
Maybe it is just time to face the facts
of the matter: I'm a twenty four year old with no prospects of a future.
I'm a twenty four year old still living at home in my childhood bedroom
with no friends, no job and no career path. I don't have a marketable
skill or a valued trade. I don't have a social circle or even a social
semi-circle. I'm certainly not a baker and sadly, not a writer, either.
I'm just a girl on the fritz.... who maybe shouldn't be baking.
Showing posts with label Failure. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Failure. Show all posts
Saturday, September 20, 2014
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Disposed of Apple Blondies {inedible falilure}
Five minutes to peel, core and slice the apples.
Ten minutes to measure, mix and beat dough ingredients then fold in the apples.
Thirty minutes to bake at 350 degrees.
One hour to cool.
Twenty minutes to beat (and attempt to salvage) malfunctioning frosting.
Ten seconds to destroy in the garbage disposal.
The Apple Blondies were an inedible disaster. My first entirely inedible disaster to date. The tops of the blondies were brown - golden actually. But, once cut, a mushy, gushy, disgusting center was revealed. The tops had cooked but the apples inside and the surrounding cakey dough had reduced to a slimy mess.
And the frosting. Oh goodness don't get me started! Who puts raw brown sugar in frosting? No right-minded dessert love wants a crunch in their creamy frosting. No one. I don't even eat frosting and I don't want it to crunch. Frosting is meant to be smooth and silky. Frosting is to dessert what sheets are to a bed. And just like sheets shouldn't be scratchy, frosting shouldn't be crunchy.
After twenty minutes of working with my disastrous frosting the crunch was almost dissolved thanks to ridiculous amounts of confectioners sugar, low heat and even more ridiculous amounts of butter.
After saving the frosting (or at least making it edible) I went to cut into the bars and discovered that the situation was much more dire than a crunch in the frosting. The bars were complete mush - clumpy, sugary, soupy mush.
I took the pan of apple slime to the sink, dumped, rinsed and turned on the switch to crush the inedible ball of dough into a disposed of memory.
Some days, some recipes, simply cannot be saved. Poor apple blondies, they looked like they had promise. The pictures were deceiving - golden brown bars topped with creamy, white frosting (seriously there could not have been brown sugar in the bars pictured!) But the reality of my own apple blondies was anything but tantalizing. So I had to face the music, or, more accurately, the mushy bars, and admit to defeat.
I came, I baked and I didn't conquer the apple blondies.
Oh well. Bake and learn.
Failed apple blondie take away: Pictures don't tell the whole story. So Pinterest picture gazer beware. Think before you bake!
And don't ever put raw brown sugar in a frosting...ever.
Ten minutes to measure, mix and beat dough ingredients then fold in the apples.
Thirty minutes to bake at 350 degrees.
One hour to cool.
Twenty minutes to beat (and attempt to salvage) malfunctioning frosting.
Ten seconds to destroy in the garbage disposal.
The Apple Blondies were an inedible disaster. My first entirely inedible disaster to date. The tops of the blondies were brown - golden actually. But, once cut, a mushy, gushy, disgusting center was revealed. The tops had cooked but the apples inside and the surrounding cakey dough had reduced to a slimy mess.
And the frosting. Oh goodness don't get me started! Who puts raw brown sugar in frosting? No right-minded dessert love wants a crunch in their creamy frosting. No one. I don't even eat frosting and I don't want it to crunch. Frosting is meant to be smooth and silky. Frosting is to dessert what sheets are to a bed. And just like sheets shouldn't be scratchy, frosting shouldn't be crunchy.
After twenty minutes of working with my disastrous frosting the crunch was almost dissolved thanks to ridiculous amounts of confectioners sugar, low heat and even more ridiculous amounts of butter.
After saving the frosting (or at least making it edible) I went to cut into the bars and discovered that the situation was much more dire than a crunch in the frosting. The bars were complete mush - clumpy, sugary, soupy mush.
I took the pan of apple slime to the sink, dumped, rinsed and turned on the switch to crush the inedible ball of dough into a disposed of memory.
Some days, some recipes, simply cannot be saved. Poor apple blondies, they looked like they had promise. The pictures were deceiving - golden brown bars topped with creamy, white frosting (seriously there could not have been brown sugar in the bars pictured!) But the reality of my own apple blondies was anything but tantalizing. So I had to face the music, or, more accurately, the mushy bars, and admit to defeat.
I came, I baked and I didn't conquer the apple blondies.
Oh well. Bake and learn.
Failed apple blondie take away: Pictures don't tell the whole story. So Pinterest picture gazer beware. Think before you bake!
And don't ever put raw brown sugar in a frosting...ever.
Monday, September 15, 2014
Failed: Pumpkin Snicker-doodle Cookie
Failure is a part of life. Sometimes failure can be big, monumental, life changing. Take, for example, a failed marriage or a failed business venture. These failures can be crushing and, for some, absolutely devastating.
Other failures aren't so life altering. Sometimes the failure can be as simple as a batch of lousy tasting pumpkin snicker-doodle cookies - my failure of the day. Thankfully this failure isn't the life-ruining variety but it still isn't enjoyable to put forth time and effort only to be left with a lousy cookie lacking in flavor and short of sweetness. What is a cookie supposed to be if not deliciously sweet and flavorful?
My snicker-doodle snafu could keep me out of the kitchen. Let's face it, failure has a tendency to do that to do that to people, bakers and non-bakers alike. We fail, screw up or fall short of our goal and we become paralyzed to give it another go. Failure isn't fun. Failure is embarrassing - like delivering a lousy batch of tasteless cookies to a dinner party!
Unfortunately, failure in life is inevitable. It happens and it happens frequently. Sometimes in big ways and sometimes in small ways, but in every life failure is inescapable. The key is to not let failure ruin you but renew you!
Over the past four years of searching for an answer to my health dilemma I've tried so many different doctors, therapies, supplements and alternative treatments. I've gone from one side of the country to the other looking for a successful approach to treating what has plagued my body.
But for four years I came up with nothing but failure. One doctor after another would try different approaches to treating me and one after another would prove ineffective in giving me any lasting, permanent relief. The flare ups still came. My body remained on the fritz no matter what anyone tried to do to provide answers and healing.
Now, four (almost five) years later, I have a piece of my puzzle. I have a diagnosis. It is a step in a direction of healing and wellbeing. It isn't the "answer" or a "cure." It is a label and a name but it is also a big flashing billboard along my journey shouting the words, "Exit now!" After all of the failed attempts at finding some kind of answer I am just thankful to have success in the arena of test results, no matter how upsetting they may be.
But the journey isn't over yet. There is bound to be more failure to come as I begin down the road of finding what will provide my body relief and healing. There are so many options when it comes to treating MS. Therapies, supplements, diet plans, exercises, drugs, surgeries… the list of options runs the gamut. The trick is that not every treatment works for every person. This is not a one-size-fits-all disease with a one-size-fits-all pill to make it all go away. It is individualized in how it attacks the body and therefore the approach to treatment is just as personalized.
As I search for what will work for me I have to remember the lesson in the failed pumpkin snicker-doodle: don't give up when you run into failure.
There are going to be treatments that I will try and will prove be be entirely ineffective. I could spend months on a particular medication or supplement only to find that it made no difference at all. I could spent hours researching therapies and alternative treatments that will render useless for my personal case of MS. But I must not let those failures cause me to give up, reason to throw in the towel and stop searching.
With every failure I can choose to become paralyzed, worn out and depleted of the emotional stamina to continue on or I can pick myself up again and keep pursuing the health and well being God has for me.
If and when I run into failure I am determined that I will not let it crush my spirit. I will get back to searching for a new way to treat my muscles on the fritz just like I will get back in the kitchen this afternoon to bake up another batch of pumpkin cookies (not eggless snicker-doodles this time around, I can guarantee you that!)
Thankfully, failure is never the end of the journey. It may be a twist in the road or a complete U-turn, but it isn't the end. Failure is a lesson in what doesn't work and a directive to try another path. It is a fresh start, a new beginning.
So when you fail (which you will because you're human) don't let it keep you out of the kitchen. Clean off your counter. Wash out the dishes. Put your apron back on and get back to baking. Because there is a recipe out there with your name on it and if you search long enough, experiment with enough different ingredients and quantities and recipes, I guarantee you will find your home-run success of a snicker-doodle. And who knows, it may even have pumpkin in it!
Other failures aren't so life altering. Sometimes the failure can be as simple as a batch of lousy tasting pumpkin snicker-doodle cookies - my failure of the day. Thankfully this failure isn't the life-ruining variety but it still isn't enjoyable to put forth time and effort only to be left with a lousy cookie lacking in flavor and short of sweetness. What is a cookie supposed to be if not deliciously sweet and flavorful?
My snicker-doodle snafu could keep me out of the kitchen. Let's face it, failure has a tendency to do that to do that to people, bakers and non-bakers alike. We fail, screw up or fall short of our goal and we become paralyzed to give it another go. Failure isn't fun. Failure is embarrassing - like delivering a lousy batch of tasteless cookies to a dinner party!
Unfortunately, failure in life is inevitable. It happens and it happens frequently. Sometimes in big ways and sometimes in small ways, but in every life failure is inescapable. The key is to not let failure ruin you but renew you!
Over the past four years of searching for an answer to my health dilemma I've tried so many different doctors, therapies, supplements and alternative treatments. I've gone from one side of the country to the other looking for a successful approach to treating what has plagued my body.
But for four years I came up with nothing but failure. One doctor after another would try different approaches to treating me and one after another would prove ineffective in giving me any lasting, permanent relief. The flare ups still came. My body remained on the fritz no matter what anyone tried to do to provide answers and healing.
Now, four (almost five) years later, I have a piece of my puzzle. I have a diagnosis. It is a step in a direction of healing and wellbeing. It isn't the "answer" or a "cure." It is a label and a name but it is also a big flashing billboard along my journey shouting the words, "Exit now!" After all of the failed attempts at finding some kind of answer I am just thankful to have success in the arena of test results, no matter how upsetting they may be.
But the journey isn't over yet. There is bound to be more failure to come as I begin down the road of finding what will provide my body relief and healing. There are so many options when it comes to treating MS. Therapies, supplements, diet plans, exercises, drugs, surgeries… the list of options runs the gamut. The trick is that not every treatment works for every person. This is not a one-size-fits-all disease with a one-size-fits-all pill to make it all go away. It is individualized in how it attacks the body and therefore the approach to treatment is just as personalized.
As I search for what will work for me I have to remember the lesson in the failed pumpkin snicker-doodle: don't give up when you run into failure.
There are going to be treatments that I will try and will prove be be entirely ineffective. I could spend months on a particular medication or supplement only to find that it made no difference at all. I could spent hours researching therapies and alternative treatments that will render useless for my personal case of MS. But I must not let those failures cause me to give up, reason to throw in the towel and stop searching.
With every failure I can choose to become paralyzed, worn out and depleted of the emotional stamina to continue on or I can pick myself up again and keep pursuing the health and well being God has for me.
If and when I run into failure I am determined that I will not let it crush my spirit. I will get back to searching for a new way to treat my muscles on the fritz just like I will get back in the kitchen this afternoon to bake up another batch of pumpkin cookies (not eggless snicker-doodles this time around, I can guarantee you that!)
Thankfully, failure is never the end of the journey. It may be a twist in the road or a complete U-turn, but it isn't the end. Failure is a lesson in what doesn't work and a directive to try another path. It is a fresh start, a new beginning.
So when you fail (which you will because you're human) don't let it keep you out of the kitchen. Clean off your counter. Wash out the dishes. Put your apron back on and get back to baking. Because there is a recipe out there with your name on it and if you search long enough, experiment with enough different ingredients and quantities and recipes, I guarantee you will find your home-run success of a snicker-doodle. And who knows, it may even have pumpkin in it!
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Failed: White Chocolate Chip Cheesecake Cookies
Today's recipe comes to you with lackluster enthusiasm. I hit the ground this morning low on spunk and pep. I attribute my low energy to the LDN - low dose naltrexone. Last night was my first night taking medication for MS. There are few side effects with this particular medication. Unfortunately there is one sacrifice that must be made during the first week on the meds: vivid, frequent, crazy dreams. I can attest to the severity of this side effect. It feels like I was running in circles all last night, not getting my beauty sleep.
It is only to be expected that my sleeplessness took its toll on my baking adventure of the day. It was a half-hearted effort that resulted in a decent, edible but far from exciting cookie.
The recipe, "White Chocolate Chip Cheesecake Cookies" sounded divine. Cheesecake itself sounds luscious and the simplicity of a cookie can't be beat - especially when baking on empty. The pictures showed a soft, pillowy cookie with a light crumb and golden hue. With high hopes, I set out my butter and cream cheese to get them softened and ready for baking.
After mixing all of my ingredients and refrigerating my dough for the recommended two hours, I popped my little balls of dough in the oven on a parchment lined baking sheet. Convect 350 instead of bake at 375. Ten minutes later and my cookies were looking good. A golden brown crisp was forming on the edges and the tops were almost precisely like the picture. I pulled them out of the oven, let them cool for a few minutes and then transferred them to a sheet of foil.
From my vantage point the cookies looked perfect but from the mouth of my official taste tester came a different story. Her face said it all: these cookies were not a home-run, smash-hit goodie.
I left the next few batches in the oven for a few minutes longer at the directive of my taste tester but still the cookies never met the high expectations I had set for them. With every bite the cookies just simply fell flat….
As you know I usually post a photo and link to a particular recipe at the end of each baking experiment recap. Not so today. The recipe was a failure. The pictures were just so-so. My recommendation for today is this, don't get discouraged when your cookies fail and your tasters give your creation two thumbs down. Just bake again tomorrow. Which is precisely what I'm going to do.
Every day won't be the greatest day of your life and every cookie won't be "the best ever." Simply get up and give it another go. Learn from the failure and use a different recipe the next time around.
As for me, I won't be baking up another batch of White Chocolate Chip Cheesecake Cookies again any time soon. I'm moving on to another recipe, another dessert type and another day of baking.
But first, some much needed sleep.
It is only to be expected that my sleeplessness took its toll on my baking adventure of the day. It was a half-hearted effort that resulted in a decent, edible but far from exciting cookie.
The recipe, "White Chocolate Chip Cheesecake Cookies" sounded divine. Cheesecake itself sounds luscious and the simplicity of a cookie can't be beat - especially when baking on empty. The pictures showed a soft, pillowy cookie with a light crumb and golden hue. With high hopes, I set out my butter and cream cheese to get them softened and ready for baking.
After mixing all of my ingredients and refrigerating my dough for the recommended two hours, I popped my little balls of dough in the oven on a parchment lined baking sheet. Convect 350 instead of bake at 375. Ten minutes later and my cookies were looking good. A golden brown crisp was forming on the edges and the tops were almost precisely like the picture. I pulled them out of the oven, let them cool for a few minutes and then transferred them to a sheet of foil.
From my vantage point the cookies looked perfect but from the mouth of my official taste tester came a different story. Her face said it all: these cookies were not a home-run, smash-hit goodie.
I left the next few batches in the oven for a few minutes longer at the directive of my taste tester but still the cookies never met the high expectations I had set for them. With every bite the cookies just simply fell flat….
As you know I usually post a photo and link to a particular recipe at the end of each baking experiment recap. Not so today. The recipe was a failure. The pictures were just so-so. My recommendation for today is this, don't get discouraged when your cookies fail and your tasters give your creation two thumbs down. Just bake again tomorrow. Which is precisely what I'm going to do.
Every day won't be the greatest day of your life and every cookie won't be "the best ever." Simply get up and give it another go. Learn from the failure and use a different recipe the next time around.
As for me, I won't be baking up another batch of White Chocolate Chip Cheesecake Cookies again any time soon. I'm moving on to another recipe, another dessert type and another day of baking.
But first, some much needed sleep.
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