To bake or not to bake, that is the question.
Somehow I don't think Shakespeare faced this dilemma.
baking escapades have continued and every day I have tackled another
recipe and another set of ingredients. Some days the result has been
divine. Other days it has been disastrous.
had another inedible creation, this time of whoopie pie proportions. I
attempted to make pumpkin whoopie pies with a cream cheese filling.
Instead I got round disc shaped sponges with pointy peeks where soft
pillows of dough were meant to form. I didn't even get to the cream
cheese filling before I knew that these cookies were at utter failure
and definitely not worthy of being served to anyone.
This is the
second time in a week that my baking has turned into mush and has had to
be disposed of instead of eaten up. This massive waste of ingredients
being sent down my garbage disposal has me questioning my future in the
kitchen. Should I be baking at all? Baking isn't cheap. The ingredients
needed are plentiful - and pricey. I am spending much of my time in an
apron with a bowl and mixer in hand when maybe I should be spending time
doing something entirely different.
Should I be focusing on some
job or career or some future that could include a pay check? Am I
frittering away time when I really should be growing up and being more
"adult-ish"? (Mature terminology, don't you think?)
to think this whole baking thing has been nothing more than an escape
from the reality of having to grow up and make something of my life. And
then, on the other hand, I am constantly aware of my physical condition
and the limitations it places on me. How can I get on with life outside
of the walls of my house when my physical ailments so often sideline me
from being out and about and fully "productive" by the standards of
I'm at a crossroads and the disastrous whoopie pie situation pushed me right over the edge into complete meltdown.
wondered so many times throughout my four years of this physical trial,
"how will God ever use me in this condition?" Then I hit on baking and
thought that was how He would use me. But how will He use me if what I
bake ends up in the sink? Was all that, "God can use me in the kitchen!"
talk just a bunch of wishful thinking? Maybe it was just a distraction
to get my mind off of the fact that while my fellow twenty-four year
olds are off getting married, having careers and socializing I am stuck
at home with a digestive system that I can't rely on and a body that is
constantly on the fritz!
Maybe it is just time to face the facts
of the matter: I'm a twenty four year old with no prospects of a future.
I'm a twenty four year old still living at home in my childhood bedroom
with no friends, no job and no career path. I don't have a marketable
skill or a valued trade. I don't have a social circle or even a social
semi-circle. I'm certainly not a baker and sadly, not a writer, either.
I'm just a girl on the fritz.... who maybe shouldn't be baking.